a day in my life

This has to be my all time favourite song, I memorize the wordings by heart!!!… for those who grew up with me, this is the ultimate puppy love song… I must have heard dozens of ‘acoustics’ version of this song done by the boyfriends of my many friends… and witness the "kebusukan" of their "angau" state… well, it did not make any sense to me back then but now I understand clearly why this song is so meaningful to those who are in love

The original version was done by Extreme… the latest one is by the soulful Frankie J… sedap gila…it has a marvelous RnB feel to it… it makes your heart float…and you can’t resist singing to it…(at least for me lah… heheheee)

To my boo… this song is for you… no other words can describe how I feel about you, in the craziness of things happening around us, suprisingly…I still feel the same about you… love you so much sayang…:-)

MORE THAN WORDS by Extreme

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It’s not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know…

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

aaaarrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some people just don’t get it… I think that they need a major overhaul to defrag their brain…

How can some people be so insensitive as to simply step over the line?? Just because I am polite, that does not mean that you can simply harass my privacy… to do that you have to get someone’s trust and be awarded with the privilege of their friendship… bukan main boleh hentam kromo jer… ikut sedap hati je nak buat apa…

Hmm… for those who are wondering "apalah pulak si Fae ni membebel sorang-sorang…?" here’s the thing.. I’ve been getting anonymous SMS and mis-calls on my mobile and though I’ve made it clear that I am not interested in making frens with perverts who sends me SMS in the middle of the night, this hantu raya still persists… tak reti bahasa. And what pisses me off is that hantu raya ni is a student!!!

The thing is… when I got into this profession, I promised myself that I will not be the stereotyped academician.. who’s always firm, traditional and rigid, serious, conventional and demanding, a bit too intelligent for everybody around them, and too good for anything else… who makes learning a misery for their students.

I want to be someone that my students can relate to… who inspires them (i hope laa..), who make them believe in their own potentials.. who makes them understand that it is okay if you have failed before but most importantly you know that you learned from your mistakes. I want my students to know that they control their future and everything is in the state of mind… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN, YOU CAN!!! And most importantly… I want my students to understand that lecturers are also human, with humanly strength and weaknesses… I was once in their shoes.. had learning been more fun for me, I would have been farther than where I am now…*sigh*

To think about it.. this is why I am so close to my students… It is just because I like them. I like to see the transition of my students into competent profesionals who are confident and believe in their own potentials…the feeling that you had helped someone in creating their future…it’s priceless. Some people call it an "identity crisis"…that I hang out with my students… I don’t care. Just as long as I know I’m trying my best to be better at what I do for a living. How can you serve your client better if you don’t know them?? Heh… basic marketing principle…

That is why I am so upset when some people step over the line… To those who do this, carry on and I will make you forget that I am a lecturer…. and i will make you regret the day that you decided to step over the line. My tolerance is limited, please don’t misuse it. I hope that hantu raya realizes the mess that he’ll be dealing with if he continues to annoy me… I made myself clear via SMS just now…kalau dia tak paham jugak, tak tau lah… massive IDIOT alert!! I’ll just change my number next semester… kan dah menyusahkan orang lain….

hmm… it is never pleasant to express negativity… it makes you tired. I never like to do this… maybe because of my age..(ehhh, am i THAT old??) Sometimes I rather be silent than let off my steam… coz I realize that it accomplishes nothing… other than adding wrinkles to my face… but time to time, I guess you just have to speak your mind, just so that people know that you have your limits. And you can call me anything for doing this… it is a free country. I cannot please everyone … coz living your life for others is living a lie!

*yawn*…. so sleepy lah today. The fact that the weather is all cloudy and sejuk did not help much either. Have been confining meself in the office since morning, coz am desperately trying to finish the paper I am writing … so I can move on to other task that has been piling on my desk… banyak gila kerja… isk isk isk… nak buat macam mana… takkan nak makan gaji buta kot?? well no worries… tinggal conclusion jer… yeeeehaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

I miss my boo terribly…rindu sangat… kesian dia nak exam esok… buat exam bebaik yer sayang… you’re always in my prayers… love you so much!!!

Had a nice long chat with my fellow koncu… fariny cho-miaow, the latest addition to the frenster family (actually she should have registered loooongg time ago, since she’s my dear fren who shares my obsession of taking pics excessively)… during the lunch hour. She made nice interesting comments on me & my boo … but coming from a koncu, it has "i’m so happy for you" written all over it (including the "buy 1 free 1 specs from jaya jusco")… thanks dear.. you see that’s the thing that i love most about koncu, that we could go for months not talking to each other and yet when we eventually talk/meet we could just pick things up from where we left them and still know that you have some amazing frens to rely on… haaa… can’t wait to meet up with you guys on our yearly trip… nak pegi mana agaknya tahun nie??

koncu unlimited… that’s what we call the gang … it has been 11 years since we first became friends when we registered in MRSM Taiping… and the unique thing is there is altogether 13 of us… hahahaa… ramai gila… and 13 different types of people who are still close frens till this day… here’s the gang…

• Yati - the absolute organizer and host… during our degree days, Yati’s parents place is where we usually berkampung … she’s really warm and caring… a true fren and even when we started working pun those of us who are from outside KL selalu lepak rumah dia… until dia kawin dgn Mr Naim Azad Din… now cannot kacau daun lah!!
• Fariny - the froggy adventurist and model alike… she’s the stylo gal… pakai apa pun cantik.. she stay close to Yati… a Penchala gal… hehehee… rumor has it she wouldn’t want to be caught dead in Reject Shop… jatuh ke-stylo-an dia agaknya… she’s been a real adventurist, pretty much into diving and stuff… and got married to our budak maktab… Mr Saiful Cho-miaow…
• Farah - the pakistani babe and all-round good gal… dah jadi doktor kawan i sorang nie… huhu… the only koncu with me in UKM matric… had a blast with her, she always give me good motivational advice and tell me not to be so notty… hehehee… am trying my best lah farah…blessed with a loving hubby Mr Danny and truly comel, cute, best + montel baby boy named Amir … he’s a sweetheart… sayang kat dia
• Ainur - miss chi & the perfect one … ni pun kawan i yg jadik doktor jugak … my homeroomate and we always lepak together-gether last time .. and both of us always have ample rations of food in our drawer… so org selalu la jugak port kat bilik kitorang … she always manage to see the positive things in ppl and selalunya think the nicest things abt ppl … a real nice person … almost perfect, i dun think ade org yg tak suka kat chi… my best fren too.. have always been there for me, siap nak belasah my ex lagi hari tuh for the things he did to me…kekekeee… happily married to Dr Ron…
• Elya - the star and the fighter … yeah you go girl… she sings beautifully, masa kitorang pegi holiday after SPM dulu… siap ada org tua gatal paid for our drinks when she sang at the karaoke… sedap suara dia, sbb dia pandai dia jadik mechanical engineer… kalau tak mesti dah masuk Malaysian Idol…hehehee.. recently got hitched.. with darling wak of 7 years… congrats dear… all the best yah.. and yeah she gives smashing advice too…
• Nisha - the counsellor and big sister … one of the gals who got married early, i have always remembered nisha as the calon isteri yg ideal… sbb dia lawa, baik, rajin, alim n pandai pulak tuh… ramai jugak peminat dia nie… and she had always been there for me.. especially masa form 5 time we stayed together kat blok junior…jaga junior…huhu… now happily married to Mr Ayeh and ada lovely daughter Sofia…
• Rihanna - the cikgu and chart maker… Rin is my fren who will make a chart out of everything… siap dgn mind map lagi tuh, tak kira la sama ada benda tuh carta markah monopoli ke, twister ke, byrn hotel ke… or carta tugasan blok ke (oh btw mase form 5 dia ni naib penghulu blok cempaka… sbb tu skema sikit kot) a very organized person, hardworking, protective of ppl close to her heart… minah ni ulat buku…i think kalau dia jual collection novels dia kt kedai 2nd hand, boleh bayar installment keta elantra dia for 6 months agaknya…hehehe.. oh lupa laks dulu time SPM she always taught me Sejarah…thanks sweetie
• Haniss - the retro chick… haniss ni comel sangat… and she’s very unique, i never met anyone like her… one of a kind, sometimes i think haniss ni lahir salah generasi, coz when we were in form 5, the songs that she had always liked were the ones from the retro age… even koncu’s team song "Seiring dan Sejalan"..it was her idea…and we use to sing this song siap buat gaya sekali, especially time nak outing…ohh… fun fun fun….good times… 
• Amelia - the beauty and well behaved one … ame ni on the surface she looks like an angel…mmg dia baik pun… pandai pulak tuh… banyak peminat dia nie… termasuklah my classmate pun ade yg minat dia… time cinta2 monyet la tuh… kampung dia kat kodiang..tp tak penah pun jumpa kat sini…sbb dia pun kawin awal gak… & dah ada 1 cute son… met her recently at Elya’s wedding… lps 7 thn tak jumpa…sikit pun tak berubah, still the same beauty…
• Sabrina - the happening and smart one… sab is my homeroomate… one cool person, always fun to meet her and catch up on what she’s up to.. byk la jugak pengalaman dgn sab nie… like the time we wanted to send gambar dus kat majalah URTV ruangan berkenalan… and lepas tu dus semua dpt tau and marah kat dia and she covered for me…kesian sab… takper…now she’s the successful career woman…padan muka diaorang…
• Naja - the fighter and strong one… things may not come easy to naja, but she had always put in 120% into whatever she did… i remembered last time she stayed up all nite for the whole year studying… pandai gila dia nih… she’s now happily in love with her Dutch boyfren… wedding bells on the way… you have my best wishes dear…
• Yana - the quiet & mature one… dalam banyak2 koncu… yang nie lah yg i tak jumpa since SPM… dunno wat she’s doing now…last i heard she is an architect… and baru je kawin kot… really miss her…huhu..

tu lah… that’s the gang… about me? well you know me oredi lah… i am just a normal girl trying to live a normal life with my normal boyfren…

I am just so grateful that life had blessed me with a superb family, a wonderful guy who loves me (love you so much ..sayang), an amazing group of friends and a smashing career… alhamdullillah…keep on counting my blessings everyday… i dun get sunshine everyday but there’s always stars shining down on me every nite

I tear my heart open… sew myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much…

And the scars remind me that the past is real…

I tear my heart open just to feel…

Ever wonder why some people are born with pure nasty heart… and turn them into such conniving personality? More than often, I always hoped that if you do good to people, good things will come to you… somehow, to some people, no matter how much good things you do they just don’t get it… bengap semacam… lambat faham… and they continue behaving the way they are… and continue being the spiteful individuals that they are… tak reti-reti yang hidup ni macam roda… hari ni kita buat kat orang, one day orang akan buat kat kita balik… Bad things will always come to people with bad nasty intentions…

Yup…I have been silent … but don’t push it. I have my limits… it’s just out of pure empathy and pity that I remain where I am.. could have put an end to all this on her expense… but what would it accomplish?? I will not stoop to her level … I am far wiser than that. I actually prayed for her well-being … and she did this??? Well princess, God is great… Don’t be so sure of yourself.

I only have the best interests for the people I hold dearly to my heart … if retaliating affects them… I rather be quiet than put them in further misery. No retaliation is worth the unhappiness of the people I love dearly … and I have faith that what goes around comes around … it is better to lag behind than to get it all now and lose it along the way … your nasty behaviours reflects your many insecurities … if you are so sure of things, why bother about me? Takut la tuh …

Ya Allah… help me, give me strength to pull this through … Amin.

Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend ’cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I’m tryin’ to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it’s me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can’t fake it, there’s no one else

I just want you to know
That I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

Have you ever had that nagging feeling whenever everything is going on smoothly in your life that something bad is gonna happen … and mess everything up? More than often, that’s the case with my life … am getting seriously tired  with all these mess … perhaps I should just walk out huh?

Nothing comes easy … that is so true … but at what expense?? I keep forgetting that this world is filled with many many types of individual, and people think very differently… which is why I guess when you do found someone who’s totally like you… and loves you the way you are… it is damn hard to let go.

God, give me strength to survive this … 

hmm…. 1st day of ramadhan … I am pretty sure many would agree that this year went by like a breeze … and here we are already in october…closing in on the year end … and to reflect back, how many of our hopeful new year resolutions we made that were actually accomplished? Well… my list can be endless but…

Resolution #1: Spend 2 weeks in Europe …. done!!!

Resolution #2: Lose 20kgs …. err… another 2 kgs to go …:P

Resolution #3: Get a permanent job … done!!!

Resolution #4: Get a house to myself and be rid of ghosts in my past…. done!!!

Resolution #5: Save more money …. errr… yg ni susah sikit lah…:P

Resolution #6: Keep in touch with uni frens and koncu … always!!!

Resolution #7: Be a better lecturer … hmm, in progress insya Allah…

Resolution #8: Read more books … hehehee… 3 books a month and counting!!!

Resolution #9: Give allowance to my adik … hmm.. yg ni pun payah sikit..

Resolution #10: Find someone who loves me the way I am… hopefully..done

Thanks sweetheart … I really miss you. I hope you’re doing fine out there without me, coz I am not doing so good without you. The things I thought you’d never know about me were the things I guess you always understood…

Living your life for others is living a lie… you can’t always please everyone but you must never compromise your happiness… as selfish as it sounds…it is the harsh reality of life. I learned it the hard way. To those who believe that life is one giant bed of roses where things always turned up the way you hoped it would, it is time to wake up. Nothing comes easy … I had to work my butt off to get where I am today … and I’ll be damned if there’s anyone who plan to destroy what i meticulously worked for… a lady’s patience has its limits … 

Things are never what they seem… don’t ever assume things that you are incapable of knowing and be true to yourself before you can be true to others. Is that too much to ask?